Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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