I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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