why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
