I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
