so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
