found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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