Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
