did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
