I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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