Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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