Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
