She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
