Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
