C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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