Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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