Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
