I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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