Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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