For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
