the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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