Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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