The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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