i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
