you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
