someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
