Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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