Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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