I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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