suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
