So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
