Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
