She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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