well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
