He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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