Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
