That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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