Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
