And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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