If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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