She said her name was "party"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
pray to the hookup gods
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
