dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
