My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
