its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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