hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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