tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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