The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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