The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
