Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
your room smells of hookers.
And success
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
