At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
