why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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