How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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